Cannot sleep

Can't sleep at 1am so i'm up and it's been a while since i've updated so why not.

A flurry of activity has occurred and we found ourselves yesterday paying a deposit on a car AND the place we will be renting from the 31st of Dec. Very expensive day. Very, very expensive. Leaving me around $30 in my savings account and an excited yet sick feeling in my stomach that perhaps we may be over compensating for our loss by buying a car! And trust me, here in Singapore, cars ain't cheap. Paying $80k for a 2 year old VW Golf sounds absolutely ridiculous! But that's what we've done. Well, hope to do, just waiting for the financial approval.

Wish i'd gone to sleep post coital, in that happy haze where everything is wonderful and everyone is relaxed and loved up. But nope! What were we thinking, my love and i, to stay up, only to get into issues that are deep and disturbing about our relationship and where it has gone or may be going. Not a good idea at all. Decided, after much discussion to call a truce, ignore our issues and get back to it another day.

Earlier today, we were discussing our lack of procreative prowess and love of my life has come up with an interesting theory. Perhaps my womb is inhospitable to things that have more of my own DNA rather than more of his DNA. The only reason my beautiful little star survived my womb was because her DNA is more like his. Though looking at her, you have to wonder who she is more like. Him or me. Though her body shape is definately his, i often feel like she is as much of a mini me as she can be.

Next doctors appointment, coming up on Tuesday, should be nicely revealing. Why did the poor thing fail inside me? Knowing it has to be genetics. But what if it comes back genetically sound. Does that open any doors to trying for another one?

For the first time this weekend, my darling daughter has asked for an older sister so that she would have someone to play with. I told her she would never have an older sister and having a younger one would mean years of pooping and crying before the play even started. She was fine with that but thankfully gave up the topic to watch Surviver with us on telly.

Either way, the search for a reliable means of contraception is on. I can not take pills. They make me psycho (more so than normal - it is NOT a pretty sight). He will not be snipped. God forbid anyone touches his precious boys - hell to pay! And i really, really can not go through this again so the time of unfettered sex is over. Though i did swear at him this weekend because we have not taken any precautions yet and i did a google and found out that a woman may ovulate anytime between 2-6 weeks after a D&C. We're just on 2 weeks and i swear, if there's another oopsie, i'm just going to loose it and will neuter him myself if i have to!

So another week is about to start. And now that we've finished most of the major things we had to do, i think i'll need to find other things to occupy myself with.