Oops, i'm such a ditz

I have only just realised that i completely neglected to put my good-bye post online when i wrote it earlier this year. I have only discovered it now sitting innocently in my drafts. Just sitting there as if to say. What the hell, put me up, damn it! I'm such a ditz. Today i actually thought i had lost my car keys only to find them sitting in the ignition with the radio blaring. They had been there for two hours while i had a leisurely lunch with the former pregos and another dear friend. Someone could have taken it on a joyride and i would have never even known!

So i've put my last, last post up now but i feel like i have to say something cause it's perhaps 3 months late.

So far this year has been filled with anticipation, terror, joy, angst, drama, drama, drama, pleasure, pain, lots of tissue paper and has seemed so full already that i don't know how the rest of the year can possibly even fit into 2013!


The babies have been born and they are gorgeous, pink little bundles that seem perfect, never make a sound and just lay there looking all cute and sweet that i sometimes feel like crying with want and then i feel terror that i would be compelled to try just one more time. Then the drama of these days have made me wish so badly that i could have given my precious child another family member. Someone to be there, to support her. So she wouldn't have to go through life on her own, without a brother or sister, just so she didn't feel alone later on. Family is just not something that can be reproduced by any friendship or relationship... But just in case anyone is hoping that i'll start this all up again, i'm not. It's not meant to be, though the moments of wishing come and go, i know that life has put us where we are for a reason. And that's where i'm happy to be.

I re-read a few of my old posts from last year. Golly, you'd think a person would die from all that suffering! I mean, i read it and it was horrible. And i was a bitch. Horrible! And yet now it seems so distant and sooooo not as dramatic as i've written it to be. But there it is, captured forever on the internet. Maybe someone, somewhere will read it one day and it will help them through whatever they are going through. I want that someone to know that now, it doesn't even seem like it was that painful anymore. Just a part of my life that has gone quickly past and now, I'm gonna be ok.

So good bye (again). I really am trying to write that new blog but seriously, i find it so much easier to write about anger and angst, pain and my life as pathetic as it was last year. So i don't know how long this will last.

http://sweetestspots.blogspot.sg/

But i'm gonna keep trying. Until i can't stand it no more and am back here again...