Today it hurts. It's come out of the blue and a complete surprise to me. Today it hurts because I was reading my old blog. The one where I got my darling daughter and how I got her and it was a reminder that I will never have another beautiful, precious child bumping around inside me. I'll never marvel at a newborn miracle that is my own. I will never laugh every day at an 18 months antics. Teach another one to talk or be polite or show them how to discover their toes or fingers and nose.

Saw a friends 6 month old and I was floored. All my memories of poopy nappies and sleepless night. So
happy I was to have dodged that bullet again, replaced by amazement at this intently and curiously staring child, taking it all in, trying to make sense of who I was and who she was and her place in the world. But content, held tightly by her mother with the absolute knowledge that the love was there and lasting. I'm not gonna have that again.

Today I'm hurt. And I'm sad and sorry and wishing it were some other way. But it isn't and I'll get over it again soon.