Another scan

I always approach my scans with a certain degree of trepidation. What if, in the space of a week, all has gone horribly wrong and today is the day I find out about it. What if the scan goes up and there is nothing there. The little heart that was going 150 last week is gone and it has all come to nothing.

I suppose I could try and shake the fear and opt to think of the best. But I've been here before. Expectant, excited. And nothing...

So now that the risks are high and it's still an unbelievable thing that has happened, I can't help but fear for the worst. Worry for the little thing inside who has already changed everything.

I should just try and enjoy this time. Whether it lives or dies. I will never be pregnant again. But it's really hard to enjoy feeling tired and vomitous. Hard to enjoy the waiting and wondering.

So having peeled myself off my sofa, I'm on my way to see if the little thing has decided to stick around for another week.