Christmas morning has dawned and I'm the first one up. I think I'll take this quiet time to start the new drug they've given me. Supposed to be taken morning and night and if you ask me. I'd rather a needle than this gel that gets squirted up my vagina. I think I've had enough probing and poking down there... Enough. I tell you! This new drug will probably be used for the next 2 weeks. So not happy about it.
Today it's Christmas and I was hoping to be back to myself but my tummy is terribly sore and bloated. I feel rather jaded by the process and my measly 3 little eggs are making me mad. I don't know if they will continue dividing (not the best odds - we usually have 70% fertilization and only lucky to have one good blastocyst at the end of 4 cycles.) Damn my crappy eggs and damn G's dodgy sperm too!
Though it shouldn't be such a big deal to me. I really didn't mind if we weren't successful. I didn't mind either way but it's such a slap in the face after all the effort that has gone into it. And based on pre collection, this seemed like my best cycle ever. And it's maddening that even if I really did want to get pregnant, I couldn't. It is maddening and I am pissed off that I have had to try so desperately hard for something that I didn't want terribly badly in the first place but now that I can't have it, I want it more. Talk about the wrong reasons.
So Merry Christmas everyone! I hear my darling daughter calling my name and I can't wait to see her open her presents! It is supposed to be such a joyful day.
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