There's going to be an immaculate conception!

Well, of sorts. Turns out that i'll be heading in to the city tomorrow for egg transfer all by myself. My wonderful hosts are out of town and i don't want to ask my other relatives to help mind my darling child for fear that i will be asked to mind their not so darling children in return. Would not cope!

That leaves me alone to make decisions like - is the blastocyst good enough to go back in (Genea always seems to say that they might be ok even when they know they are dodgy)? How many can go back in? Squirt them all back in and leave them to their own devices, i say! Or don't put anything back if they are dodgy. Then i can have a 2 week hiatus from these mind games.

This morning when they called to schedule the transfer, the lovely Nurse H sounded optimistic and didn't see why the embryos wouldn't develop to good looking blastocysts. But i've been looking at all my previous cycles and i know what always happens. We get some slow dodgy blastocysts that they say should be transferred back because, you never know... So in they go and twice they have tried to implant only to fail miserably and making me miserable at the same time.

Cycle one i had my head over the toilet vomiting and they were saying it was "unrelated" but to come in for a blood test anyways. Then they said "congratulations!". Something was growing! Then it wasn't and the whole thing dragged on for another week or so.

Cycle two was a complete dud. I actually think i squirted the eggs back out because i coughed during the procedure but who's to know. The blastys were dodgy anyways.

Cycle three was our miracle - Leela. But she was our one beautiful, shining star of a blastocyst. We have never had any others as good looking as her.

At the end of cycle four, i was all ready to start another cycle. We had planned it so we could hop on a plane to Singapore as soon as i was done, but they called and said i couldn't start until the pregnancy hormone had disappeared because again, something had implanted but couldn't muster up the courage to keep going. We had to abandon our plans for another cycle, which now leaves me here, hormonal (and stuck in a hole) in hornsby.

So tomorrow, cycle five, there is going to be an immaculate conception. It really only takes 5 minutes from test tube to uterus through a long floppy straw. It's no big deal and i can do it alone, no problem.