I think it is time to let go a little

I'm really not a fan of the mayhem that comes with children... They are messy, they are sticky, they are loud and often whiney. They are unpredictable and I have no idea how they are able to find EVERYTHING that I have hidden away so they would not play with them! It's like they have a homing device. It is bizarre and weird how they find these things. Specific items that I have put away for a reason magically appear out of nowhere and most of the time I am too late to save the situation cause I've been blissfully doing my own thing, thinking I've hidden all the messy things away.

So yes, I am a control freak. An anal and uptight person who likes everything just so. How i survived with my one child is beyond me. How I could have survived with two is too scary to imagine. They say everything happens for a reason and I think it is true. Even though it seems terribly unfair that I didn't get pregnant, after everything I went through, I also think that it's for a reason. Don't get me wrong, it's maddening how infertility deals out its "blessing" randomly and unfairly. But in my case, I think that fate knew that I would crumble into a heap if I had actually been blessed with #2.

It drives me nuts that pen caps can never go back on the pens they belong to. Don't get me started about why toys can't be put back where they came from and in a neat and tidy manner. Why, WHY! do books get torn and pages wrinkled? And for gods sake, how the hell does food get everywhere - under furniture, on the floor, in crevices deep and shallow, in all sorts of wonderful places - everywhere!

But then they look at you with their amazed eyes and constant wondering about the world, about life and why things happen the way they do. The unblemished joy they feel about everything and their love for everyone and I have to take a moment to get a grip of myself, let go and enjoy it. The mess, the sticky surprises found in random places. The pictures drawn with pens with no caps and half torn stickers and glitter glue that has also found its way on my table. It is a blessing. An unpredictable and chaotic blessing and since I've only got one chance to enjoy it, I think it's time I let go a little and let it be.