Sigh...

I think this is the first time I have sat down by myself and put my feet up and relaxed since I got back! Heaven... Now all i need is for someone to bring me a nice cup of tea and a good book.

Forget the chaos that my house is still in. Forget my little chatterbox drowning out the quite (she is thankfully being bathed by the love of my life). Just forget it all and have some time to myself to do whatever I want to do (obviously I'm blogging but at least I can do it while lying down with my feet up). It may only be for 5 minutes but who cares. I'll take it!

Feeling crampy, a little sad, really tired. But it has been a fabulous weekend. Packed from end to end with wonderful activities. However, now that i've time to feel a bit sorry for myself, I think I will.

Took another HPT at 5am. Another negative. It is so depressing. Whose dumb idea was this!? Would have been better to wait til the end so that I could be ignorant a few more days. There is still a little bit of hope. A little bit. Maybe the cheapy POAS's are dodgy. Maybe it's too early. But did not stop me from having a cry at 9am watching my daughter make pancakes and thinking I would never have another one. And after all this, it's a devastating thought.

Anyways, I'll keep doing these silly early morning HPT's until I'm 100% sure it hasn't worked. And try to stay busy and cheerful and hopeful despite it all. Focus on what is great.

Like right now, laying down in peace and quiet. Sigh..... I think I'll go make myself that cup of tea.