POAS/HPT at 5dp5dt for a BFN but hoping for a BFP or + beta by end of the week. Hope AF does not appear!

For those who may not be so familiar, these terms are all the rage in the fertility (or lack of) world.

POAS - Pee on a stick
HPT - Home pregnancy test
5dp5dt - 5 days past 5 day transfer (number change depending on the day and type of transfer)
BFN - Big fat negative
BFP - Big fat positive
+ positive
- negative
Beta - Quantitiative Beta HCG (Human chorionic gonadotropin) - the hormone produced in early pregnancy
AF - Aunty flo, your period, menstrual cycle

There are quite a few more of these but even i can't keep up!

So to decode my title. Peed on a stick at 5 days past 5 day transfer for a big fat negative but hoping for a big fat positive or positive blood test by the end of the week. Hope that my period does not appear!

This does show me that the pregnyl shot is out of my system. So if it stays negative, then a negative cycle. If it somehow, by some miracle, becomes positive later, then the blastocyst/s have implanted and are starting to produce their own hormone. But it doesn't tell how strong they are and if they will continue.

Having sleepless nights wondering about this. I'm waking every couple of hours. It is so unfair that some useless, irresponsible, horrible chicks sneeze and get pregnant and others, wonderful, beautiful women, deserving of children, find it so awfully hard to get knocked up.

Then, according to my doc, some dodgy, crappy, ugly blastocysts become beautiful, healthy normal babies and some perfect, wonderfully formed blastocysts amount to nothing and get flushed down the toilet along with the $10k it took to make them.

Which is why i think it's up to chance. To fate. To God or whomever you choose to believe in. To luck. To Karma. To wimsy. To what is written in the stars. To complete and utter insanity!

Well, i'm not going to be discouraged. I had gotten up at 3, peed. Drank a huge glass of water, then got up again at 5, busting and that's when i took the HPT. Not to mention, it's only 5dp5dt. A bit too early for a positive. And it was one of those two for one cheapie HPT which i'm suspicious about anyways.

Not going to give up hope. Just going to hang in there, stay busy and pray to God that he'll show me some mercy and bless me with a positive Beta and baby. Or that i'll just get on with life if this is negative because, really, just thinking about it, i really don't want to do this again...