Gosh, it's been a month already!

Can't believe it's been a month almost to the day that I did my first blood test for the last cycle. How could I have forgotten how wonderful the experience is. Same girl nurse, same child poked me happily. She seems like the only one that can hurt me when drawing blood. Had to take my child with me but she loved it and wanted to hold the vial of my blood.

My cafe around the corner no longer plays Michael Bolton and I no longer have time to myself. Followed by my little shadow. Today I watched her dribble hot choc on her jeans while listening to the news. So different to my quiet mornings post BT to myself.

But I only have myself to blame for the rift in the family and having to stay away. If I could have just sucked it up and let it go, I'd still be hormonal in Hornsby instead of hormonal everywhere. Though when I went by the house yesterday, I couldn't even stand to be there. The other one was in the kitchen acting all agrieved which only served to piss me off more. Who the hell does she think she is to be pissed at me! I had already called with apologies for what my mother in law told her, though I completely had the right to feel as I do. And I also have the right to choose not to spend too much time with them for fear that I would say something wrong and/or she would say something to piss me off and send me over the edge.

How anyone could be so clueless is beyond me, but there she was in the kitchen, acting like it was my fault that we were not all happy families, spending every moment together until they leave for NZ. Of course, I empathize. If I were in her shoes, I would be terribly hurt and disappointed that the family could care less that they are leaving. But that she does not seem to see or care that IVF is a big deal to me and their actions at this time would impact me just gives me little room in my heart to care. Not to mention, I'm hormonal, on my own and pissed even if they weren't in the picture.

So while I'm trying to be positive and happy, I'm finding it almost impossible because the hormone treatment is a bitch and I am not in control of myself. Being terribly happy also makes for boring blogs and actually negates the need to blog at all.

So I'm sitting at a play center watching my little girl make friends with every child that walks in, flashing her lovely smile and I wish I had been born with that forever happy gene that she and G have. But I suppose there is no use wishing for things that I just don't have...