So back at the family home in Hornsby for the next two nights. Then back to the city for the last few days til I hop on a plane home! It's been so long, I think I'll have culture shock when I get back. I am so glad this is almost over. Whatever the result, I am just ready to go home.
I can't be too excited or hopeful for my 8 little eggs. I think we've had 8 fertilize before and most of them petered out before transfer. Still, as people infuriatingly remind me, it only takes one. And it does... But it's still an infuriating thing to say because goddamit, how many will there be before the one takes or will it even ever happen.
Had mixed feelings coming back here to hornsby. Really glad to see my lovely hosts again. (Although the frequent commenting on us having a baby in nine months, even a comment on how I should have a home birth in Singapore, I could do without...) Just too early for all of that and it freaks me out. I would prefer to just ignore the big white elephant in the room and go on as if we weren't even trying! At least I would prefer that around my in laws because the whole subject is so emotionally charged and they are terribly optimistic, rightly or wrongly, that disappointing them may be even harder than my own disappointment. I do not mind at all sharing the nitty gritty of the process. Eggs, sperm, injections, hormones, all that is easy to talk about but I would prefer to stay well clear of how I or anyone actually FEELS about it.
Then there is the other white elephant, the invaders who threw me out of hornsby in the first place. I actually should thank them because I did not remotely start enjoying myself until I left the hole that is Hornsby and moved into the city, then chatswood. What I thought was a curse turned out to be a blessing. Except for the fact that even seeing pics of them makes me recoil and gives me the shudders... I know, how could I be like that! Even I don't know. But it does. The shudders! Pics of them, hearing from them, hearing of them... I shudder. And I also felt terribly pissed that they left my lovely home in Hornsby in such a mess, dirty diapers strewn about, filthy, that it took an entire day for the clean up. AND not even so much as a text to say Thank You to my hosts. Shudders... This might take a few years to get over.
But I am so glad it's almost over. Come what may, this cycle has gone as well as it could have. I've had a lot of fun in the process and now all we can do is wait and hope for what will be. Again, terrified that it could work. But ready for whatever outcome occurs.
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