Did my Puregon injection tonight alone and i missed my cheerful little assistant standing by to swab my tummy and ask if i was ok. She's at Gran's for the night and while i have loved the time to myself, i miss her and it is lonely injecting myself.
But i shouldn't complain, this cycle is so very different to the last cycle. I feel happy alot of the time. It doesn't seem as hard as last time, perhaps cause i've become a pro and i'm used to the process. Or maybe my decision to be positive. Or perhaps there isn't the family drama and impending invasion that i had going on during the previous cycle. Can i actually say that i feel relaxed and even content? Maybe so.
The shots hurt less, the bruises aren't so big. I don't feel close to tears at every turn. I may even be enjoying myself a little here in Chatswood, just doing what i want when i want. I don't need to cook, i don't need to clean. I don't walk around with a sense of expectation, dread and worry.
I'll have a few interesting days coming up. The others are leaving for New Zealand on Tuesday and i feel like i should do the right thing and go spend some time with them before they go. A bit terrified that i'll say the wrong thing and it will all go pear shaped. Or they will say the wrong thing and i will go pear shaped.
But then this cycle seems almost boring compared to the other one. Sometimes i forget that i am actually doing IVF because i feel normal and ok with things. I only remember when i have to poke myself with the needle and even then, it's pretty anti climatic because they all seem to be pretty easy so far. I'm sure i'm still the shitty person that i become on hormones but this time, it just doesn't seem so bad. Or maybe this time, i don't have anyone to provoke me.
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