My final blood test was today and as expected, it was negative. I don't think i've ever been so eager for my period to start. Well maybe i have for my other IVF cycles. But i just want to get going on this one.
I've had a bawl today, i won't lie. Not terribly disappointed with the outcome (or maybe i am and just kidding myself that i'm not), but more cause the thought of another cycle is just crap to me. That and the love of my life has boarded a plane and gone away.
Thankfully i am on my own tonight. The house full of rellies was getting way too much for me, though i love them all, i just couldn't look at them. i find it really hard to be around people when i've just had crap news and i don't want them to see that i'm in bad shape cause their concern for me would really make it worse (even though i do appreciate it). My darling daughter told me she wanted to stay and play with her cousins and let Gran look after her. When i asked if she was sure, she said "yes mummy, i will be brave..." And that's what i will do too.
This round, i'm going to look at the cycle with positivity and optimism. What needles! What drugs! I laugh at them. Mwah ha ha ha! I can't wait for the bruises, they will be my badge of honour. The hormonalness will be hilarious and the fact that i'm on my own here in Sydney is just a joyous thought - it's like a lovely extended holiday, just me and my little girl. I can do what i want, when i want!
Starting now. I'm in a beautiful hotel room, eating room service, watching in house movies. Next, i'll run a bath and enjoy it without interruption or having to share it with a little person. Tomorrow, i'll do some shopping, meet a dear friend for lunch, perhaps head to the spa. Don't care about the cost, don't care at all. I'm going to go nuts for a day (or two). Actually, i'm going to go nuts until my period starts! I think that's fair enough. Then let it all begin again. I'm ready, let's do it.
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