I'm so upset I can't stop crying. It's just too much for me right now, I've taken to hiding in my bedroom. Can't even leave the house cause I look all puffy and red. And I keep welling up and crying. I haven't even found out the result of our IVF cycle and I'm a nut case.

It's just the combo of G leaving, the probable second cycle and the invaders of my home. The little shit decided to have another screaming fit and that just sent me over the edge. The other one has been whiney all morning. I can not be here anymore! And the parents of the shitsters aren't even here and it will be worse when they are. I have to leave. I cannot be here. I thought I could deal with it but I can't. I just don't have the grace within me to deal with this elegantly. I'm a mess and if i stay, sooner or later i'll be telling the invaders just how selfish and clueless they are. They have fucked up my hopes of having another baby most definately and selfish bitch that I am, I am severely bitter and angry with them.

I know I need to take control of my situation because only i am in charge of what happens to me so please just give me a sec. I'll get there. I already know that I can only blame myself. I am so grateful for my one perfect, beautiful daughter who is so wonderful and is weathering this storm and her nutcase mum like an angel. I'll get to taking responsibility for the situation in a little bit, I promise.

Right now though, I feel sick, my head hurts, I have to get out of this house. I am hormonal and it is horrible, horrible I tell you, here in Hornsby.