Got a call from Genea to prepare for trigger tonight - hooray! But feeling shitty today. Not looking forward to the procedure. It sucks. It hurts. It totally blows.
I do not want a rod poked up me. Do NOT want the largest needle I've ever seen poked into my vagina and ovaries, however useless they may be. Do not want to deal with painful tummy, discharge, gels inside me, feeling sick, feeling angry, feeling just over it all!
Can I just say no? No more poking and prodding. No more needles and drugs and all the shit associated. Just no more. Please!?
Can't i just take my chances. Let me ovulate naturally, have sex with my hubby and come what may?!
G was horrified that I think if that, saying we could end up with 18 kids! Like that could happen.
I let him do my last injections before the trigger shot and he hasn't lost his ninja touch. They slipped in and out stealthily and painlessly. Damn him! Bet I won't even bruise. I thought I was such a pro at this now. If only he had been around this whole time and spared my belly the horrific trauma of all it's visitors (Nelly, Ted, the freckles and maybe a dozen more).
I feel grumpy and so not ready to face the collection again. So not willing to be hurt. Dreading the number of eggs we may or may not have, hating the idea of waiting 5 days for those hard earned eggs petering out before transfer of some dodgy blastocysts and then disappointment. Returning home barren and poor.
I am just not ready to move forward with this because I have no idea what to expect or want or hope for.
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